The Seasons of Becoming: A Year in My Underworld
There's something about this time of year that has always called to me.
The changing leaves, the cooler air, the earlier darkness. The feeling that something is shifting, inviting us inward.
As we approach Samhain, I've been reflecting on the past year of my life and how deeply my own healing has mirrored the changing seasons.
It was around this time last fall, during Scorpio season, that I made a conscious decision to descend into my own underworld.
Not to lose myself there, but to finally meet the parts of myself I had spent so much of my life avoiding.
I began going deeper into therapy, exploring old wounds, patterns, fears, and the places within me that still needed tenderness and attention.
It wasn't always comfortable. Healing rarely is.
But I was ready to stop running from myself.
Winter: The Season of Going Within
As autumn gave way to winter, I found myself naturally withdrawing.
I spent more time alone. I rested more. I became quieter.
There was a time in my life when I struggled with winter. The darkness, the cold, the slower pace. I would find myself longing for spring, wishing the season away.
But something was different this time.
I began to recognize that my body and spirit were asking for the same things the natural world was offering.
Stillness. Rest. Reflection.
I didn't need to be constantly growing, producing, or reaching outward.
I needed time to integrate what I was uncovering.
And so I allowed myself to retreat.
Not because I was disappearing, but because I was tending to myself.
Spring: The Return of Life
Then spring arrived.
And just as the earth began to wake up, I felt something awakening within me, too.
I began to feel more expansive, more creative, more willing to be seen.
Interestingly, I could see this reflected in my work.
My business began growing in ways that felt significant. New people were discovering my movement practices, my writing, and my creative expression.
It was almost as though the work I'd been doing quietly within myself was beginning to find expression in the world around me.
Of course, healing doesn't guarantee external success. But I couldn't ignore the connection I was experiencing between how I felt within myself and how I was showing up in my life.
I was becoming more comfortable being seen.
More willing to take up space.
Less concerned with making myself smaller to accommodate the expectations of others.
And that felt like growth.
Summer: Living in Full Bloom
Summer brought a completely different energy.
Long days, sunshine, time outdoors, adventures, vacations, movement, and the beautiful busyness of life.
I love the warmth of the sun on my skin. I love being outside, moving freely, and feeling connected to the natural world.
There was more activity, more expression, more outward energy.
And I embraced it.
But what felt different was that I wasn't using all that activity to escape myself.
I had learned something important during the quieter months.
I could enjoy being fully engaged with life without abandoning my relationship with myself.
I could move between stillness and activity, solitude and connection, rest and creativity.
I didn't need to live in one season forever.
Autumn: Returning to the Underworld
And now here we are again.
Autumn.
Scorpio season.
Samhain.
Another invitation to turn inward.
Samhain is an ancient Gaelic festival marking the transition from the harvest season into winter. Traditionally, it was a time associated with endings, remembrance, and the mysterious threshold between worlds.
Today, many people honour it as a time of reflection, release, and connection with the cycles of life and death.
For me, its meaning feels deeply personal.
I've always felt connected to the mystical, the intuitive, the sensual, and the parts of feminine expression that society hasn't always known what to do with.
The wise woman. The wild woman. The woman who trusts her knowing.
The woman who is no longer afraid of her own depths.
And perhaps that's what I love most about this season.
It doesn't ask us to remain in the light.
It reminds us that darkness has its place, too.
That not everything needs to be visible to be growing.
That sometimes the most meaningful transformations happen quietly, beneath the surface.
A Different Woman, A Familiar Season
As I reflect on the past year, I can see how much has changed.
Life hasn't suddenly become free of challenges. In fact, I've been navigating some difficult and unexpected circumstances recently.
But what I notice most is how differently I meet them.
I feel more grounded in myself.
More capable of holding uncertainty without losing my centre.
More willing to honour my boundaries, trust my intuition, and allow life to unfold without trying to control every outcome.
And perhaps most importantly, I'm no longer as afraid of the darker seasons.
I know now that I can move through them.
I know that rest isn't failure.
That solitude isn't emptiness.
That slowing down doesn't mean I'm falling behind.
And that descending into my own underworld doesn't mean I'll remain there forever.
The seasons have taught me something that years of resisting them never could.
There is a time for going inward and a time for emerging. A time for resting and a time for blooming. A time for releasing and a time for becoming.
And each one has something to offer.
This Samhain, I'm not looking to become someone entirely new.
I'm honouring the woman I've been becoming all along.
The woman who has walked through her own darkness and discovered that she can trust herself there.
And as the wheel turns once again, I'm learning to welcome every season of my life.
Even the ones that ask me to go within.
Especially those. 🖤
Continue the Journey 🤍
If these reflections resonate with you, I invite you to explore more of my writing.
In Divine Feminine Unveiled, I explore the wisdom of the feminine, reconnecting with our intuition, sensuality, and the parts of ourselves we've been taught to suppress.
And for a more intimate glimpse into my own journey, The Cherished Woman: Becoming Her, Choosing Me is my personal memoir of healing, reclaiming my voice, and learning to choose myself.
Both are invitations to come home to yourself, in your own way and in your own time.